


Tadaima!

by neko_kirin3104



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Christmas, Fluff and Angst, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-14 06:25:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neko_kirin3104/pseuds/neko_kirin3104
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had to make sure the other guy could never say no...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tadaima!

 

 

It had been two weeks since the rumor broke out. Two weeks since Satoshi assured him it meant nothing. So why was he still losing sleep over the whole deal?

“You don’t look so well, Sho-chan,” Nino, ever the ambassador of the obvious, said as he settled beside him in front of the mirror.

Sho raised one brow at his own image and replied acridly, “You think?” There were dark circles under his eyes that seemed to be growing into a new pair of peepers. He hadn’t been eating much either, so his face had lost whatever little plump it had, especially around the cheeks. He looked as pale as a wraith and there was no amount of gloss that could fully hide the chapping dryness of his lips.

If these were not enough indications of his current state of mind, he didn’t know what else was.

From the corner of his eye, he saw the younger guy briefly throw him an amused look before sighing and going all boneless in his chair, limbs dangling lazily all over. He turned to look at the guy’s reflection in the mirror and watched as those usually watchful eyes flutter close.

Within seconds, the brat was completely out of it, his soft, serene snores resonating like a bad joke inside Sho’s head.

“ _Seriously_ ,” he mumbled in disbelief, envying the other guy’s easy disposition for slumber.

He wanted suddenly to scream and throw the worst possible tantrum he could muster. It annoyed him so much that even while sleeping, Kazunari Ninomiya still managed to throw sarcasms all over the place. It took everything he had not to jump from his chair and shake the guy back to consciousness. If Sho Sakurai could not get his ample share of shut-eyes, nobody else should, especially not in front of him.

Realizing the uncharacteristically violent path his mind had taken, the utterly distressed idol sighed loudly before burying his face in his hands. He knew days of sleeplessness didn’t exactly work wonders for anyone, but to be this _murderous_ was just taking it a little too far. He seriously needed some form of intervention. And soon enough before he ended up _really_ hurting someone.

Lately, aside from looking like a ghoul, he hadn’t really been in the best of moods, either. Just yesterday he had snapped angrily at the new make-up artist who took too long to conceal the imperfections on his face, like it was her fault that he didn’t look half as good as he used to. He’s been sporting around such a sullen expression, too, that the rest of the staff had known better than to cross paths with him unnecessarily.  He even once heard whisperings of him turning into a moodier, much scarier Matsujun-clone.

Nino was the first person to talk to him all day without fearing for his life. And he had actually thought of hurting the poor guy for doing so.

Sho sighed once again before crossing his arms on the vanity counter and burying his face into the crook of his elbow. He sighed a second time, and then a third before muttering, “ _Seriously_ ,” over and over, like an ill-composed ode to his life.

His pathetic little life screwed up by that one _stupid_ rumor. Concerning that one _special_ man... and the woman who had _allegedly_ been frequenting his house these past couple of weeks.

_His_ newly bought house. The one Sho himself hadn’t even seen yet.

“What’s all that sighing about?”

Sho’s head snapped up in surprise, and he looked at his companion with a frown that efficiently demanded, _What the hell?!_ in not so many words.

Ninomiya was scrutinizing him with one eye open, while still idly slumped in his chair. “I was just playing with you,” the brat said casually, a mischievous smile dangling in one corner of his lips. “I’m not like Leader, you know. And I just drank five cups of coffee, thank you very much.”

Surprisingly, though, instead of inciting him to anger, Sho felt his tension gradually recede. He leaned into his chair and let out a cry of frustration, not unlike the ones he often did on TV whenever he failed, or felt like he was about to fail at something.

For God knows, he had been failing at being mature about a lot of things lately.

_Must.  Think. Of. Something. Else._ He chanted this over and over inside his head as he tried to focus his gaze on his own reflection. Striving hard not to mind the equally focused gaze Ninomiya had fixed on him.

He decided to think about what’s happening today. It was December 23, just a couple of days before Christmas. They were supposed to be filming an episode of Shiyagare for the New Year. And they were supposed to be filming it now, except that the other members had not yet checked in.

He blinked when he almost literally felt his mind veer off his chosen _safe_ path...

_WHERE THE HELL ARE THE OTHER MEMBERS, ANYWAY???!!!_

As though reading what was currently running through his head, Ninomiya spoke again, “ _Maa_ , Leader’s been pretty busy lately, huh?”

Whether he was aware of it or not, the younger guy was seriously stoking the fire. Sho took a deep and calming sigh before replying, “He just moved into a new place after all,” saying it so casually like he felt he had to make it clear. Like he needed to say it out loud so he could believe it.

He did see the older guy flipping through a furniture catalogue just the other day, with the obvious intention of buying stuffs for his new house. A sight that surprised him since Satoshi Ohno never used to care all that much about such things. The guy had even once told him he could live with just a table to draw and eat and _even_ sleep on and he’d be okay.

Satoshi even asked for his preferences, his opinions about colors and furnishings. A conversation that eventually led to him inviting the other guy over to check out his own house to get some ideas.

An invitation that was carelessly dealt after the guy had said, “I’d like to see Sho-chan’s place.”

He even cleaned his house for Satoshi’s visit, wanting to make a good impression, though he didn’t really know why. The members had always known how messy his house was. So why did he even make an effort to prep his place up for _that_ particular guy?

The very same guy who was later on _seen_ entering a decent-looking apartment with some woman.

Sho knew there was every possibility that he had just read a little too much into the afternoon they spent together in his house. Even despite the fact that there had been something different in his Captain’s eyes that day. Something warm and homey. One moment an anxious glance, the next a hopeful gaze... Like the older guy was building a future inside his head with the two of them in it, but was just too afraid to lay it all out in the open.

No, he should never have let himself be carried away like that. Despite the memory of how Satoshi kept _accidentally_ touching his hand, or the sight of that gorgeous face gazing up at him from his lap, looking deeply absorbed in every single word he was saying about his ideal place.

The colors that he found soothing. The pieces of furniture he thought were an absolute must in every bachelor’s pad. The importance of having a safe haven, a private corner, where he could just lounge and be himself, away from the rest of the world. His own space where he could just let loose and listen to his records at full volume, or work his DJ set and mix his own sounds till the wee hours of the morning...

He never really got to ask the other guy what he wanted for his own house. For when he turned to look at him, his Captain had already fallen asleep on his lap. The now familiar snores, so soft and soothing, filled Sho’s senses with such warmth that he eventually found himself stroking the other guy’s hair. Marveling at the serene expression on his face. It was enough to let him know how much Satoshi trusted him. How comfortable the other guy felt around him to have let go of all his senses like that.

And then, the thought just had to cross his mind that very moment. For the first time—and totally unexpectedly—he started wondering how life would be like living with this man. Sleeping to the rhythms of his breath at night and waking up to his adorable tanned face the next day. Sharing everything, making adjustments to accommodate each other’s whims... Gradually settling into each other’s lives.

These thoughts filled his head and kept bugging him for hours even after Satoshi had left. It had, from then on, dislodged any recollection of sleep from his senses.

“That thing about the woman...” Ninomiya was saying. “Do you think it’s true?”

“I don’t know,” his response came a little too quickly, though he initially meant to say ‘no’. Despite constantly telling himself he didn’t want to care, he could never really deny the fact that he did. Tremendously.

Satoshi had told him the rumors meant nothing, even without him asking. Readily giving him the answer to the questions he could never get himself to ask. As though the older guy was telling him he had nothing to hide. That he would always be honest with Sho-chan.

So why was he still losing his sanity over the whole deal?

“I think it is,” Nino’s matter-of-fact voice cut into his messed up thoughts, messing with his head anew. It took everything he had not to strangle the guy right then and there.

“But...” the younger guy continued, blissfully oblivious to—or arrogantly ignoring?—his withering glare. “...not in the way the papers have been going on about it.”

“What do you mean?” he felt obliged to ask, brows furrowing even deeply.

“Well, for one thing, I don’ think she’s Leader’s girlfriend,” Nino began, while staring at his own reflection and casually flicking stray strands of his hair. “But whoever she is, she seems to really know what she’s doing. Somehow, in some way, she makes Leader happy.”

Sho felt like a serrated knife had just been stabbed into his chest. His breath suddenly hitched and his sight began to turn blurry. He had to fight the urge to walk out of that room and scream through the halls of NHK until he lost his voice. Until he could no longer feel the pain...

The other guy even had the audacity to look straight into his eyes through the mirror and say, “You’re getting worse by the minute, Sho-chan. You have got to stop thinking too much, you know. Jealousy is a really ugly thing.”

“What?!” he managed to hiss under his breath, balling his fists so tightly he almost broke a vein.

The brat looked unruffled, even smiling teasingly like he didn’t fear death at all. “I said, you’re getting uglier,” he said before casually getting up from his seat, saluting Sho’s reflection with a knowing smirk on his face, and leaving him at last to his own seething glory.

He seriously wanted to break something, and was just about to give into the niggling urge when the door opened once again and the guy who was the source of all his frustrations came striding in.

Satoshi’s smile had always been enough to dissolve the negativities cruising through his nerves. But that was before he finally admitted to himself just how much he loved this man, only to find out the very next day that _this man_ had meant to spend the rest of his life with somebody else all along.

Right now, he just wanted to punch that adorable smile from off that lovely face. He wanted to at least be vindicated that way.

  
“Sho-chan,” Satoshi said softly in a voice that was unmistakably full of concern. He felt his Captain’s hands give each of his shoulders a gentle, comforting squeeze, and felt the frown on his face gradually loosen up as their gazes connected in the mirror.

Sho refused to believe that this guy could still have so much power over him. Over his emotions. But the more he denied it, the more it overwhelmed his senses. Before he knew it, the first tear had wantonly rushed down his cheek, and there was no turning back.

He felt strong arms wrap around him, and soon found himself shamelessly sobbing into the other guy’s chest, the calm heartbeat within sounding more and more like a eulogy to his dying heart. He wanted to speak. He wanted to say a lot of things. But when Satoshi’s hand began gently stroking his head while patiently shushing him and telling him, “It’s all right,” over and over, he knew no words were needed.

Satoshi knew, perhaps even before Sho himself knew it.

Even before he had the courage to admit it...

He loved this man. He loved him so much it hurt. So much that he had already willingly transcended the societal norms of romantic love. He didn’t care anymore that Satoshi was a man. It mattered no more that he may never know how it felt to hold a child of his own making. He wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with Satoshi, even though it meant turning his back on everything he knew was right.

Sho knew nothing else would ever _be_ right if he didn’t have his Captain by his side.

~*****~*****~

Sho cried his eyes out for a good half hour. Once or twice he vaguely heard the door opening and felt Satoshi’s arm wiggling slightly as he quietly shooed each intruder away.

Afterwards, he found himself facing the mirror once again, his head slightly bowed in shame. Satoshi was sitting on the chair beside him, the one where the bratty Ninomiya—now promoted to the harbinger of doom—previously sat and poked at his emotions until he had no choice but to burst into tears.

Right in front of the last man he had ever wanted to see him cry.

He stole a quick glance at the other man’s reflection, and found himself staring once again into those warm, brown eyes. Not judging, never ridiculing. Just quietly telling him to take his time. Patiently waiting for him to pull himself together, as was typical of the guy.

Although, right now, Sho would’ve really preferred it if his Captain had just left him alone.

Because he didn’t really know how to bring things back to the way they were before between  them.

“ _Maa_ ,” he started to say, almost choking at the word. He cleared his throat and tried to sound as cheerful as he could possibly manage. “Aren’t we supposed to be filming yet?” He tried to smile but his lips shook so badly at the attempt that he ended up blowing a huge sigh instead. This wasn’t going to work. Sho knew he needed to get out of this place.

Far away from _this_ man.

“Work tonight’s been cancelled,” Satoshi said. He could see, from the corner of his eye that the older guy was staring at his reflection in the mirror. As though waiting for him to turn his head and look at him.

“Oh.” A small chuckle escaped his throat. He didn’t really feel like asking why. He was too drained to feel annoyed, and was just glad he could finally go home and drown himself in alcohol. He was seriously considering hibernating under his bedcovers, too, until the whole world forgot he ever existed.

“Are you okay now?” Satoshi asked, worry still pretty much evident in his voice. “I mean, are you okay enough to drive?”

Sho nodded quickly, although he didn’t really trust himself behind a wheel right now. Maybe he’d give himself some more time to recover...

“Great!” Satoshi exclaimed, his face suddenly breaking into a smile, that was at once excited, and unsure. “Anou... My manager had to leave ahead of me, so... Well... I don’t really feel like riding a cab tonight... So... maybe... Sho-chan—”

“I’ll drive you,” Sho readily offered, although his better judgment was telling him it was a bad idea. He didn’t really want to give the other guy a chance to ask the questions he didn’t yet have the strength, nor the right frame of mind to answer.

But Satoshi wasn’t really the type of guy who pried into things. Besides, Sho felt a little responsible for him getting left behind. He did use the older guy as a reservoir for his snot and tears, so he owed him enough to at least give him a ride home.

It took about an hour’s drive from the NHK building to Satoshi’s new apartment. And it was the longest one-hour in Sho Sakurai’s life. They didn’t really talk much, except for when Satoshi had to tell him whether to turn right or left. He had never been to the other guy’s place, so he had to drive carefully— _sluggishly_ —to make sure he didn’t miss a turn.

Being inside his Pajero with the man he had just tearfully— _shamelessly_ —confessed to sitting right beside him didn’t really do much to help him feel any better. If Satoshi was feeling as uncomfortable as he was, the older guy sure wasn’t showing any signs of it. There was nothing different at all about his voice. He even laughed at himself whenever he was a little unsure which turn to take.

And he kept calling him _Sho-chan_...

Somehow, this helped Sho gradually feel at ease, that by the time he parked his car in front of Satoshi’s apartment, he was able to smile again. Just long enough to bid the older guy good night.

“Aren’t you coming in?” Satoshi asked, disappointment clearly written on his face. “I’d really like Sho-chan to see my new place.”

It was all he needed to hear. Before his better judgment could protest, Sho had already stepped out of the car and had immediately began bracing himself for what he assumed would be an _agonizing_ tour of a home that could never be his.

He gasped and flinched slightly when he felt the older guy grab his hand. He let himself be pulled to the front door in a semi-daze at the warmth that was radiating through his body from Satoshi’s palm. The man was visibly excited about his new place, and the bittersweet sight of it made Sho want to smile and cry at the same time.

He barely noticed him turning the key on the lock as he basked at the sight of the man who had become the world to him. Because he knew that once Satoshi opened _that_ door and he stepped into _his_ new world, he’d have to accept the fact that they could never be together.

He wouldn’t be surprised if _that_ woman was waiting for them inside.

He felt Satoshi’s hold on his hand tighten a second before he opened the door. The guy barely gave him time to take his shoes off at the _genkan_ before pulling him through the inner door and switching the light on in such swift movements that Sho was practically out of breath by the time he had the chance to survey the house interior.

And what he saw nearly took his breath away completely.

“ _Nani_... _kore_...?” he said slowly as his seriously rattled mind tried to process the sight before him. He turned his gaze from one side of the house to the other. Took note of the colors, furniture and every single furnishing strategically placed and blended together exactly the way he wanted.

It seemed that everything he had ever said that afternoon to his Captain about his ideal home had been reproduced, right here. _Right now._

“ _Okaeri_...” he heard the other guy whisper beside him, lacing long slender fingers through his.

He was still too stunned to speak, and he must’ve looked really stupid for he heard a chuckle escape Satoshi’s throat before the older guy gently pushed him towards the couch. It was only when he sat down that a part of his mind came back to earth and wondered out loud, “Are these my stuffs?”

“Well, most of them are,” Satoshi replied, a little unsure. “I hope you don’t mind. Ma-kun and J helped me move them.”

Mind? Of course, he didn’t mind! Except that Aiba and Matsujun helped move his stuffs...?

“They know...” he said, more for his sake than the other guy’s.

Satoshi nodded and began squeezing his hand gently, as though already apologizing for what he was going to say next. “Tonight’s scheduled work had been cancelled the other day but I’ve asked your manager and the staff not to tell you about it because the members are planning a surprise for you and we needed to keep you away from your house for a couple of hours, or so. You just made it a lot easier for everybody not to talk to you when you started snapping at them like some scorned diva.”

Sho felt his face heat up and he couldn’t help chuckling at his own immaturity.

“Nino had to keep you company the whole time,” the older guy went on. “That guy doubted you’d just willingly go along with this and said he needed to make sure. Though, I suspect that’s just his excuse so as not to have to move stuffs with us.”

Now that he thought about it, Sho began to realize what the _evil_ manipulator Kazunari Ninomiya had done. By pushing his emotions to the edge, the brat had actually made him admit to himself just how much he loved this man, and realize that he wanted nothing more than to spend his life with him. No matter the circumstances. No matter the consequences.

No matter whatever.

But then he had to remember the matter about the woman, asked about it and found out that she was an interior designer hired by Satoshi to help him put things in order. Although he was an artist, designing a house was a completely different medium after all.

“I wanted to make everything perfect for you,” his Captain said, looking tenderly into his eyes. And it filled Sho with so much warmth hearing about how the man had gone through all these trouble to do all these things for him. To give him what could possibly be the best Christmas present anyone could ever give him.

A home. A future. An assurance that he would never have to fear growing old alone...

“So, Sho-chan,” Satoshi began saying as he wrapped one loving arm around his shoulders, “Will you move in with me?”

Sho smiled genuinely for the first time in days. It wasn’t like the guy had given him much of a choice, right? He raised a hand to his partner’s cheek and moved closer to place a light kiss on his lips.

“ _Tadaima_ , Satoshi...”

#

 


End file.
